Politics 0.1

In spite of donning a Gandhi pen-name, I tend to be apolitical person. ‘Vama’ stands for my leftist views which is labelled anti-national and Gandhi, nationalist. A cocktail of rashtradrohi and rashtrapita. Whooshhh! Vamagandhi turned into soft-porny shitty satirist. I don’t fear Bapu but this Marx fellow would surely paint my ass in red in heaven. So, lets talk politics to justify my pen-name as one of my blogger pal suggested.

Narendra Damodardas Modi. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Can you say both the names together ten times? I bet you will mess up! 

Not only the name, I loved the eloquence of Dadhiwaala (bearded) prime ministers of India. Be it Chandrashekhar or Narendra Modiji. Ofcourse, we had a non-eloquent Dadhi-waala PM too but his dadhi was compulsion rather than choice.

Since I chose to be leftist, a rightist BJP was natural opponent. Left ruled among tongue-rolling rasagolla-smacking sweet Bengalis for years, and so did dominate among the teeth-cluttering beef-eating belligerent Mallus. But, soon, left was wiped off from whole world as outdated ‘Doordarshan’ who could only remain far-sighted away from reality. Some leftist kept doing some shooting practice and killing feudal lords in jungles of India. The red brigade. But, they too could never get any sympathy apart from well read JNU guys and well-written dailies like ‘The Hindu’ or ‘The Telegraph’. 

Only shining star in India, who could bring fortunes in era of corrupt collapsed congress and Advani-ised frail BJP , seemed the man in saffron. Narendrabhai. I have been great admirer of RSS, whose fringe element or ideas could have killed my boss Bapu. Simply because, people like Bapu, Lincoln or Luther King don’t deserve to die of TB or testicular cancer. They need to be shot! 

Opportunist doctor who works for money, and invests in shares, can do part-time charity or rant about poverty, but he wished a man at helm who can grow the market. And the man gave me enough smiles in the very first quarter he reigned. I began sorting wastes, using dustbins for tiniest paper-bits, and never urinated at streets even if it banged hard at tip of genitalia. Swachh Bharat! 

While he was bringing FDI and dollars from round-the-world, lampoons in opposition began hitting below the belt. The old formula you employ with right-wingers, the babas and sadhus. I remember snatching Dhoti of one baba on Ganga-ghats and he would attack me running with his ‘kamandal’ and ‘trishul’. Say ‘beef’, and they will jump and almost kill you. Say ‘mahisasura’ and they will hang you. Mythology is so huge. You can pick up glorifying one-by-one and see the nationalist right wingers dancing. Ravan, Shishupaal, Karna, Bakasura, Bhasmasura….. One was Dalit, one was Jat, one was Tribal and so on. 

Lets rise up from mythical distractions, and focus on country. And Narendrabhai can surely do it. The man can talk on lengths but barely uttered a word on ‘beef’ or ‘ JNU’ or ‘vemula’. He knows these are baits of opposition. He tries to focus on development, shrugging away these nonsense stuffs. I used to burn-off all porn mags before exams to minimise distraction. The Patel Playboys, The Beef Busters, The Hardik Hustlers….just burn them off and focus!

The greatest threat is not the failure of  PM but the failure of ideology. RSS is an organisation of similar age and legacy, as of Congress or Indian left. But, the rightist RSS and leftist Communists could never grow as centrist Congressis. You may call the centrists ‘opportunists’, but they are genetically fittest. Thankfully, their prime leader is victim of impotence who can never carry the gene forward. But, the shouting, beating, killing, bullying rightists can become cynosure of eyes of bullied, beated, and killed ones. Voting rights are equal for Dalits, Muslims, Kashmiris, Leftists, Women, Jats, Patels, North-easterns, Biharis alike in India. And, anti-reservation, anti-kashmiri, anti-dalit voices can bully on facebook but not in election.

Since you are Gujju, calculative, bachelor, talkative, calm, choosy, flashy, desi, dadhiyal, old man, I have full faith in your competence. I love winners, and you are hands-down winner, and not gully champion like Lalu and Kejriwal. You ruled the heart of nation hardly a year back. Every Tom, Dick and Harry loved you. Don’t let Tom and Harry sway away.

8 thoughts on “Politics 0.1

  1. You took my advice quite “literally” and I am glad you did. Will it make a difference? I hope so, but I think not. But what is essential is that you did say what you had to say. We have forgotten the art of speaking up. I am humbled by your reply as well as your finesse in saying things the way you did. Sometimes it is prudent to remain silent, as everyone else will tell you now and you may regret taking my ill-conceived advice (because, after all, you are the one who will have to face the consequences and not I), but it will still be a memorable occasion for all that. This is courage. This is being righteous and a desh bhakt. This is what sets you apart from all the other lambs who will not bleat until they are led to their slaughter. Thank you. I salute you. We might be small cogs in the great machinery that operates, but not completely useless. Who knows, you really might turn out to be one who inspires others as your namesake did so many decades ago. Satire is a weapon too, words can inflict more violence than the most potent bullets and missiles. Use your weapons carefully, but do it with devastating precision and with conviction. You have left me humbled and I hope you will continue to speak and not be terrified of all those who may be critical of your renewed interest in the nation. Write on… thank you….

  2. Absolute Courage, Triumphh & Laal Salaam!! ‘Uff’….

    “रूदाद-ए-ग़म-ए-उल्फ़त उन से हम क्या कहते क्योंकर कहते,
    एक हर्फ़ न निकला होठों से और आँख में आँसू आ भी गये।”

    -मजाज़ लखनवी

    1. अगर मैं झूठ बोलूंगा तो गैरत मार डालेगी,
      अगर मैं सच बोलूंगा तो हुकुमत मार डालेगी।

      बहुत होशियार रहना है हिन्दू-मुस्लमां को,
      वरना लड़ाकर आपस में सियासत मार डालेगी।..

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