Don’t call me Golu!

As I navigate through winding narrow alleys of Mehrauli, a crowded Delhi neighbourhood, stands tall my buddy’s hospital. I make my way through coughing, groaning individuals, the sight of him excites me, and I shout out- ‘Moteyyyy‘. The fatty fellow almost fell down from chair while others give me a growling look. Blasphemic! 

Motey, Takley, Tingu, Lambu, Habshi…..These all had a transient existence, lost in oblivion as we grow up to claim a sense of pride and identity.

Frankly, I could not recollect his real name, as if it never existed. Well, it did in his birth certificate or Passport, but it never justified him. Only name which would pop-up in mind as soon as you see him was ‘Motey’.

That reminds me of a story my grandfather used to tell about his forgetful friend. 

Once somebody asked him, “Sir! Mr. Bheem and Mr. Subodh babu have come to meet you.” 

He saw an obese and a lanky fellow stepping in. 

He got up and greeted the fatty fellow, “Welcome Bheem Babu”.

 He responded, “Sir, I am Subodh”.

“But, don’t you think you should have been Bheem, you fatty fellow! Hahaha!”

Lanky Bheem and Fatty Subodh. Born misnomers.

One of the famous surgeon friend got offended recently when I called him ‘*atti‘, which meant ‘shit’. That’s what we always called him in hostel days I don’t remember why? I won’t tell what I was called but it must have been some genitalia-inspired nomenclature.

Girls would have similar figurative nicknames beautifully crafted by hostel hoodlums. Whatever they were, as soon as somebody spells out the name, even blind fellows could accurately imagine how they would be like. Nominal fantasies!

As my wife scrolls through my friend’s contact list, she feels as if she is reading a barrage of abuses and innovative words. Well, each ‘word’ carried a story, a myth, an anecdote. They characterise an individual to their core.

One of the easy way to do it was of course the ‘body-mapping’ and matching with closest animal. A ‘bhainsa’ actually looked like a dark wild buffalo. A ‘bakri’ , an emaciated nagging voiced one. And a ‘bull’, the hefty brainless chap.

Next step was the ‘behaviour-mapping’. A ‘rodlu’ or ’roundu’ would be ever-whining stress-stricken fellow while ‘thandu’ would be one with a cool careless attitude. ‘Fattu’  is colloquially self explanatory.

And then, a ‘moment-of-life’ which would leave a long-lasting impression. A girl who wore a ‘rose-printed’ dress once in life, pronounced ‘ Gulaabo‘ forever.

This may bite us as we step up in social ladder, and we wish to erase such bloody nicknames. But, may be on the deathbed, one would wish somebody to shout out the ‘soul-name’ – Moteyyy!!!

Don’t call me golu


12 thoughts on “Don’t call me Golu!

  1. That gulabo part reminded me of my office environment where each girl has been nicknamed by my male colleagues and then it becomes forever. People forget real name but not the “special” nickname:)

  2. haha…it’s funny but equally true. One of my younger cousin…we used to call him ‘Chhotu’ since he was the youngest. Now we all have grown up and he is more than 6 feet tall with a robust body. NOW we look like ‘bache’ in front of him and it’s weird but we still call him CHHOTU.

  3. Today only a I wrote a quote on pet names and here I am reading this hilarious post on same 😀 Pet names given by families are cute ones ..but friends give you really weird names ..and they don’t shy away from calling you with these silly names in a crowd of thousand’s at the top of their lungs 😛 Awesome post 😀

  4. Pet names… well I never had any until I gave myself one in the virtual world – Privy Trifles and am so much in love with it that I hope and pray I never outgrow that name. Loved reading this one, made me smile 🙂

  5. Hilarious post. I remember this professor of mine who was called Tansen because he would go aaaa in between sentences, and the guys at the back would join in with the sur. Anyway, I still can’t recall what his actual name was. The same thing is true for many others.

  6. Oops! Been there done that. Called a guy using his college pet name in a crowded metro compartment. I could not remember his real name, and we called him Kallu mama 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s