Big fish: The great Indian fenkus

As I compose this post on my iphone 6 plus, sitting in my balcony in posh colony of Bengaluru, I wonder why do people brag? I barely care if I head a top healthcare center. I never brag about anything, even about my US and europe stints. I don’t know why my wife thinks I just brag too much.

During my school days, my friends would eagerly hear my grand stories, but in the end, they would casually ask me, “What percentage of it is truth?”. And I would mention some 30-70% depending on FI (Fenku Index).

You can never dream of being a great orator, unless your Fenku Index is high and create a sensational appeal. (Note: Its an apolitical statement)

Indians get these bragging genes inherited from their ever-bragging mothers. For them, their son is no less than a superman. I was barely a minion fledgling doctor in a prime Delhi hospital during my post-grad days, and flocks of people would come all the way from Bihar. My supermom branded me as a super-doctor who would take away woes of entire world. To respect her brag, I would run around and get them treated. Poor fellows would go back and praise me, and the woman with conceited smile would be ballooned with flatter.

While the mothers sow the early seeds, friends would help it flourish. Leaders of gang would lead the brag, while others would be amazed. Dubai-waale uncle story or dad’s trip to Hongkong or how his elder bro can thrash somebody with his Karaate. Flashing his swiss watch to impress girls or how his american cousin would get him green card. How you web your story out-of-the-world mattered? Well, out of the tiny world.

Then, it gets natural as we grow.

“Oh! I missed IIT by two marks, and I was barely interested in it anyway. These IITs are drug-havens.”

“You got this phone in 30000 bucks from flipkart. Huh! You should have told me. My brother and Binny were roomates in IIT. Binny bansal! the flipkart owner.”

or simply,

“You know who my dad is?”

(I wonder if he really knows who his dad is.)

“I have three girlfriends. Stupid! Grow up. Padhne se kuchh nahin hoga.”

And the list goes on.

But, true winners are one who add substance to the brag. 

If I say I must have seen hundreds of such cases in my practice as doctor, I must have seen atleast fifty of them. One patient scrolled through his smartphone and bounced back, “Sir! I read this disease is reported in only 200 cases in world.” Embarassed I composed myself and said, “That’s because I don’t have time to report all my cases. And you IT guys think everything is on internet. Its all wrong info.”

Whatever, bragging can lead you to any height if done with panache.

Dream to be a top-man in country…in world….keep bragging.

[Article Fenku index- 30%]

“What?”

“Sir! Theek theek laga lo.”

[Article Fenku index- 50%]

Don’t give a sarcastic grin while reading this.

I really own an iphone.

23 thoughts on “Big fish: The great Indian fenkus

  1. Good one! Well Indians are born with a FI of say 30. Some build over it and some stay put. Also, reading this post from my Rose Gold IPhone 6 was great! It was clearer 😉 😀

  2. Hahahah 😀 Awesome and true too 😉
    90% Indian tho paka at some point or the other fenku hain ;P
    You said it in a way ki… ab tho sab ko pata chal gaya… 😉

  3. That opening paragraph killed me (and I don’t know my FI, btw haha). Waise that thing about the mothers is seriously true. Sons are really supermen for the mothers (well, I am actually sulphurman, but you know, I say it very quickly and my mom is not great at pronouncing stuff). But the point is, Indian sons have such inflated egos that only bragging can keep us afloat.
    Jokes aside, brilliant piece of writing as always.

  4. What would life be without a little exaggeration? Actually, fenkus add spice to life…without them, the world would be as interesting as the table of two.

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